Under the dust
by madmonkeyy
Summary: Harry is alone, at Grimmauld palace.  What does he find under the dust?  What does he do about it?
1. letters

Sirius's room was covered in dust. He was chucked out at a young age, abandoned by his deatheater family. No one wanted him. No one except James. His family took him in, he was like an adopted son to the Potters. But even they didn't know, they didn't know what he was really like.

They were at Grimmald Palace, the ancient home of the Blacks. But now it belonged to the Order. Harry was the only child there, the Weasleys had flooed back to their house, The Burrow, so that they could collect the stuff that they would need to use at school, and collect their trunks. Usually there were a lot of kids their running around keeping busy. The Order was meeting downstairs in the kitchen so he wouldn't be able to get any food. Harry was alone. He had explored most of the house with Ron, Fred and George everywhere apart from one floor, the floor where the Blacks used to sleep. They had all been told not to go there under strict orders from Sirius. He didn't even sleep in his old room whilst they were staying there now. He slept in a guest room just like the rest of them. He slowly crept up the staircase knowing that he wasn't meant to be doing this. But there was nothing else to do. He had to do it. He had to know what Sirius used to be like.

He slowly opened the door. Looking around he could see that Sirius had never changed, he had red and gold Gryffindor colours pasted up everywhere around the room. Pictures of his friends and muggle posters, but there on the desk was something. Under the dust. Harry moved towards the desk careful not to move anything from its rightful position on the floor.

He blew at the dust moving it slightly, but not getting very far through the years of it piled up on top of the papers. So he picked one up, blowing off the remaining dust he saw that it was in fact a letter to Sirius. From Remus. It was only short. There was a pile of them bound together on the desk. All to Sirius from Remus.

He began to read them, they started off normally. Just talking between friends, ones that Hermione and Ron would send to him during the summer. Ones that he wouldn't be able to reply to due to the Dursleys strict rules on that kind of thing. No owls in the house. Apart from your one but it must be kept in its cage all summer.

He began to read.  
><em>Dear Sirius,<em>

_I hope you have been keeping well. I hope you haven't managed to kill any of your family yet. Just keep calm. Have you been invited over to the Potter's for the last two weeks. I do hope you have. Peter and I have. Then it can be the four of us Marauders together again. _

_Reply soon_

_Remus _

Dear Remus,

Of course I've been invited to go to the Potters. I'm like a second son to them. They wouldn't have you without me. We can plan loads of pranks for school. I have a good start of year one. And I haven't killed anyone yet, but they are getting close. How are you? Hope your fluffy problem is okay.

Sirius

_Dear Sirius _

_Thats good, it will be just us Marauders then. And yes the fluffy problem went okay, father took me to the forest but he brought along some of the people that know about me to help him stay in control. It went fine. Not as good as being with you guys but it was ok. _

_See you soon_

_Remus._

Hello Remus,

Weren't those weeks amazing. I haven't had fun like that in a long time. I know we could just talk as I am writing this in the dark under the bed sheets but I dont want James to know. I know he is my brother and friend but this is just too good to stop. You will read this at breakfast, well right now I suppose if you are reading it but just to let you know I am going to tease you about having a secret girlfriend. Okay Mooney. You better reply or off with your head.

Sirius.

_Padfoot._

_Why did you do that there was no need to. All I want is to have a peaceful life and now James and Peter think that every time I go off I am going to see my new special girlfriend. And I think it will be off with your head next time Mooney comes out. Unless you tell them. _

_Mooney._

Harry read through a few more of the pile of letters, each one saying roughly the same thing, he did find out a lot about how they used to get on, there were things that suggested they fell out with Peter often but became friends again many times. He read through them, as he was nearing the bottom of the pile he was surprised.

Dear Remus

I dont know about you but last night was quite fun. I didn't know that you could act like that. It must have been the firewhiskey effecting you like that. I'm not complaining, just surprised, what came over you?

Don't fret about it. Everyone goes wrong at some point but I didn't realise you were that excited about winning quidditch. You were amazing though.

Sirius

_Dear Sirius_

_I really mucked up. I need to talk to you but it might just be easier writing this now and sending it to you later once I am home. That is what I am going to do. I didn't mean to do it. I really didn't. I am sorry. I have tried to hide it. I am sorry if you realised years ago. _

_I have to say it. Now we have graduated it doesn't matter anymore. We probably won't see each other again, so it doesn't matter if it all goes wrong. Here we go. _

_I love you. _

_There I said it. Well wrote it. Please don't tell anyone. _

_Remus  
>xxxx<em>

Remus

_I love you too. _ Why do you think I would have gone along with it the other night? I guess you thought that you were another conquest for me. I understand but I wouldn't do that to you. You're my friend. One of the greatest ones I could ever have. I have seen the looks you give me. I'm not going to lie but I wanted to do the same to you. For you to see me.

Why do you think that I kept going to bed with different guys? I couldn't getyou out of my head. Each one of them had something similar to you. The same personality. The same smile. The same colour eyes. The list could go on. I did it to forget about you. I didn't think you thought the same way. Played for the other team as such.

I am glad I found out. I am glad you liked it. But Most of all I am glad you sent that letter. Now I order you to visit Grimmauld Palace immediately when you get this letter. I will be waiting.

Sirius.

Harry was appalled. What were they thinking? It was a disaster. Well at least he could talk to someone about it now. But. What was he thinking reading through the letters? Sirius had told him not to go into those rooms.

Harry plucked up all the Gryffindor courage he had and went back down the stairs clutching the letters tightly in his left hand leaving his wand arm free if Sirius tried to attack him for it. Were they still together? Oh God what if they were. They must be. To have both parts of the conversation they must be, unless Remus chucked out all of his letters and Sirius collected them all to relive a lost memory. Maybe that was it.

What to do? Confront them together or separately. The decision was made for him as the meeting broke up, the kitchen door opening and letting relieved and tired people out of its clutches. One, two, three four, five, six people walked out, all with their heads hanging. Harry marched into the room.

"Harry, my boy! Why don't you come and sit with me while Remus orders a takeaway?" Sirius exclaimed.

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><p>Please review. I have ideas for this story and i will carry it on but if no one likes it then I dont see any point.<p>

can you read my other stories too?


	2. The awful truth

Harry walked into the large kitchen space, with the grand wooden table taking up most of the room available. He immediately regretted his decision, how do you ask your god parent about a subject like that, but was glad he had shoved the dusty, ratty looking papers into his trouser pocket. He would have put it in his robe but being inside meant that you didn't need to wear them. I also made it easier to move outside in muggle streets, without having to explain yourself every two steps.

"I haven't seen you in a while Harry, What do you want to talk about?" Sirius questioned him. Harry thought about this. Did he need to bring it up straight away, or was it best to leave it and forget about it? He pondered on the answer. Meanwhile, Remus had ordered the food and sat down opposite Harry, right next to Sirius.

"It should be here in a few minutes." He stated. Harry was amazed at the speed at which it would come. He hadn't had it at all in the muggle world but he knew that when his 'family' had eaten it, it had taken about an hour to come. Whereas now, he had them often enough, Sirius and Remus didn't want to cook too often, which was fine by him, with what had come out of Sirius' experimentations. The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it" Harry mentioned. He stood up suddenly and marched towards the door, he was looking forward to the food, his stomach grumbling every step of the way. He opened the door; the scraggly man that always delivered it was there again. Harry placed some money into his hands. "Keep the change"

He spread out the food on the table, leaving everyone to help themselves. He went to get a drink. On the way he thought back to the question, reaching for his pocket automatically without thinking. There was nothing there. He was sure it was that pocket. He hadn't given it to the man instead of money had he? No that was paid in coins. Then where was it, he checked the other pocket. He must of dropped it, he collected his drink and returned to the kitchen.

What was this? Sirius wondered. Harry had dropped it out of his pocket. He knew it was rude to snoop, but the Marauder's instinct in him took over. There was a lot of paper in this bundle. What an earth was Harry carrying around this amount of parchment in his pocket for? He read the first page, his face turning from cheery to depressed in just one moment.

"Remus, you know those letters. Well that's what Harry dropped." What letters? Remus' brain was whirring, what letters did he have to worry about? His brain clicked. Those letters. Oh God, what must Harry think? He thought Sirius had gotten rid of those years ago, when he had given the ones Sirius had written to him back to Sirius.

Harry walked into the room. Casually looking at the floor, whilst retracing his steps from the other room, Sirius coughed. He looked up to see where the noise was coming from.

"Is this what you're looking for young man?" Sirius held up the incriminating evidence. "I thought I told you not to go into my room. Not even get off of the stairs on that floor. I thought I could trust you." Harry could hear the contempt in his voice.

"I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry Sirius. Its just... I was bored no one was here. And you lot were in the meeting. There was nothing for me to do. I didn't want to just go to my room and sit down, not when there is a war about to happen. I need to know what is going on. It's just not fair. I know you talk about me, about how I will defeat Voldermort. About whether you think I will beat him. That doesn't matter to me. I just need to help; I need to know what to do to help. Hell, I've heard half the wizarding population taking bets on when I should beat him. When I will die. What will happen then. I don't care about what they think, it's just when you said I couldn't do it. I hated you. I had to do something that would get on your nerves. You're meant to trust me. I'm your god son for Merlin's sake." Harry exploded each line getting angrier and angrier.

"I know, I know I should have believed you. I'm sorry that I didn't but really I underestimated you. I didn't think that you could beat him, but now I've seen the passion you have. And I know you will. I have faith in you to turn the whole wizarding world around. Back to how it used to be." Sirius gushed. "And I..." Remus stared at him threatening death. Sirius draped an arm around him. "...we will be there for you. Right by your side. No matter what."

Harry was astonished. So the letters were true then? What was he meant to think. He had no clue. His face contorted, and there was a flash of bright light. The pain struck as he fell to the floor.

The older men shared a glance, and dropped to the ground next to Harry.  
>"We didn't do this to him, did we?" Sirius questioned.<p>

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><p>Thank you to my lovely reviewers. Please keep reading. I am hoping to update a chapter every week but only if I get enough reviews and reads .<p>

Review please :)


	3. What happened?

Sorry for leaving it so long but I was updating my other stories :) Go read them please

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><p>"No, No, No! We couldn't have done this. Could we? It's all my fault, you wanted to tell him years ago, but I wouldn't let you. I thought I had hurt him enough as it was, being his teacher, not being there when his father died, and leaving him when he needed me most. Not to mention the fact that I nearly killed his best friend. No. It's my fault." Remus was curled up on the cold kitchen floor, with his knees pulled up to his chest and rocking back and forth slowly. "We have to tell him." He stood up, and slammed his hands down on the table suddenly, causing Sirius to turn his head and look at him.<p>

Sirius had dropped to the floor instantly when Harry went down, he began cradling his head which had struck the floor with a loud 'bang!' As the minutes went by Harry began to be pulled more and more to Sirius' lap, Sirius holding him as you would a newborn. They looked so quiet, but sadness filled Sirius' eyes, was it him who had caused this to happen? He would blame himself forever if it was his fault; he had promised Prongs that whatever happened he would keep Harry safe, had he just failed his best mate? He truly hoped not. He had done some bad things in his life but this, this would be the worst thing he could ever do.

What about Remus? He knew that he would blame it on himself. He always did, especially now a days. He would say 'I was the one who wanted to keep it a secret, we should have told him ages ago.' He wouldn't care though; it would still be his own fault. He should have convinced Remus to let it go, to have told Harry but whatever happened now he wouldn't care. As long as Harry survived.

"Sirius?" A weak voice was heard. "Sirius" No reply. "SIRIUS"

"What? Harry! I love you, thank Merlin, you're alive, Mrs Weasley she would have killed me if something had happened to you."

"Uhh, Sirius. What happened? I can't remember a thing. Why am I sat on the floor? Why are you cradling me like a baby? I'm not a baby Sirius!"

"You mean, you can't remember?"

"Remember. Remember what?"

"Why you are on the floor?" Sirius asked cautiously, thinking about the options that lay before him. He was going to tell the truth, obviously, right away. So this didn't happen again.

"No, why am I on the floor?" Harry questioned, trying to work out what he was doing sat on the kitchen floor. He looked over at Remus. He looked worried, what was he hiding? He knew that it took a lot for Remus to get worried, so it must have been major. "Remus?"

"Yes, Harry?" He answered, his voice wavering. He really didn't know what to do, he wanted Sirius to tell him the truth but he had no clue what he would do. They had been together for years, but had told nobody, Harry was the first to know. They had kept the secret well; he thought Sirius had done amazingly. To be honest, Remus thought that it would have been out in a few days, he didn't even think they could be secret for a week, but Sirius had gone over his expectations.

"What happened to me? Why am I sat on the floor? Why is Sirius holding me like this?" Harry listed the questions, saying them quickly as they popped into his head.

"Umm, I think Sirius should tell you... He is your family. I'm not." Remus paused, hoping Harry would take this as a valid excuse, but Sirius seemed out of it. He realised that he would have to get Sirius back into this world. "SIRIUS!" He shouted, trying to get Sirius back.

"Huh" Sirius looked up.

"No Remus, you are family, you were my dad's best friend, and he would do anything for you. And now that is up to me, I will do anything for you, as you would do for me. Now which one of you is going to tell me what happened?"

Both Sirius and Remus looked at each other, both willing the other to do it. But Remus jumped in first. "Sirius, Sirius will tell you."

Sirius looked upset, but Remus couldn't do anything now, he had dropped him into it. How was he meant to tell Harry? It had been bad enough the first time. But to tell him again? What to do?

"Harry, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this but..."

The phone rang, cutting him off mid sentence. "I'll get it!" he screamed. Thank Merlin. Saved by the bell.

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><p>Sorry for leaving it on a cliffhanger, but review and I will update quickly. :)<p> 


	4. A sudden development

Sorry for the long wait guys, I had my exams, then holidays, then had a mind block, and I forgot about it. But now I'm back. For good. (Hopefully) Thank you for reading, and I love reading reviews, and will reply personally to each one thanking you, so please review and I will give you a cookie each as well. :D

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><p>Harry watched as Sirius leapt to his feet, nearly dropping him on the floor again, and sprinted to the phone. What an earth was going on to make him act like that? Something big must have happened to cause Sirius to become so agitated. Had someone died?<p>

'Remus, what's the matter with him? Have I done something wrong? I didn't mean it if I did. I can't remember.' Harry nervously spoke with his voice cracking, and his eyes filled with unshed tears. 'He's not going to leave me is he? I couldn't cope with it if he did. Remus?...' Harry was looking up to him now, still lied out on the cold floor.

What was he meant to say? If Harry couldn't remember it, he would sound like a bit of a fool just coming out with '_oh yeah by the way Harry, I like your Godfather. Like Him as more than a friend if you know what I mean?' _No that clearly wouldn't work. They would just have to wait until Harry said something himself. 'How are you feeling now Harry, you took quite a fall there.' Remus asked, unsure if Harry believed him.

Sirius strode into the room, shook his hair from his eyes, and looked up seeing 2 worried faces staring at him. 'That was just Mrs Weasley, Saying that they got back ok. Not sure why I needed to know but I'm guessing it's to do with this war stuff and that.'

Harry looked up at his recently acquired father figure, 'Sirius. Remus. I don't know what happened before this.' He gestured himself lied out across the floor. 'But I have something I need to tell you. I don't think you'll like it, but it's to do with my life. And I hope you won't hate me for it.' Harry began to shake, nervous about what he was going to say, as he hadn't admitted it aloud before. 'I mean, I don't think you will, but you might. But I hope you don't.

By this point Sirius was beside himself, he had no clue what Harry was going to say, and hoped that James wouldn't kill him for it whatever happened. He looked across at Remus who he had sat down immediately next to before Harry had begun his speech. His face was also screwed up with worry. Sirius slyly moved his hand slowly, towards Remus' leg placing it upon his thigh, his silent attempt to calm his man down. This in fact worked as he saw Remus' face unwrinkle slowly. He returned his attention to Harry who had begun to talk again.

'I'm Gay.' Harry blurted out suddenly, his eyes closed. He couldn't believe he had finally worked up the courage to tell someone. Or some people. But they were family, or as near to family that he had. Harry opened his eyes slightly, scared at what their expressions would be like, as he hadn't heard so much as a word from them, let alone a gasp or sigh, suggesting what their reaction would be. Sirius had turned away, whilst Remus had his head in his arms leant against the table. Not wanting to talk to them after seeing this, Harry stood up and walked from the room. The journey up the stairs seemed like an eternity, one that would never end which made the pain in his heart worse. He had thought that out of everyone he knew, these two men, who had been through everything, would have accepted him. As he reached the top, Harry decided. He would have to leave, leave this house, leave Hogwarts, leave the wizarding world. He had learnt at a young age what he was, after liking Dudley's friend slightly more than he should have done. But only recently had he truly known. And wanted to tell people, and experiment slightly. He was 15, he knew Ron, George and Fred had done things with people, heck, even Hermione had spent some nights with Viktor back in 4th year. Harry had lied to the guys when it had come up in a game of truth or dare, after hearing their responses. But now he would never see them again. He would have to snap his wand. Maybe not immediately though, he would wait a while.

Meanwhile, back downstairs Sirius turned to Remus. 'We didn't do this to him did we? We couldn't have had this effect on him by being ga-, like it ourselves.' He closed his eyes, Harry was stronger than him as a 15 year old, being able to admit it to himself and others, than he could after pretty much his whole life. He looked at Remus again. He was crying, so Sirius reached out his thumb and stroked it along his cheek wiping away the salty river that was making its way down the smooth face belonging to his friend.

Harry packed a bag quickly, chucking into it everything he thought he would need, food, clothes, money. A phone. No he couldn't even take that. He would have to get a new one so people couldn't contact him. He zipped up the huge bag with surprising ease, before tugging on a pair of his most comfortable trainers, new ones that Sirius had got at the beginning of the summer for him. On the basis that he didn't want his own money, so used it in every way possible, and it was not out of charity for Harry. He rushed down the stairs, heavy footed not caring that they would hear. Subconsciously, he wanted them to stop him, to tell him that he would be fine. That they loved him. No matter what.

Remus calmed, turned to Sirius and stated. 'I know you've wanted to hide this from everyone all these years, but I really think that the time has come for people to know. I'm sorry but I can't leave Harry like this, we told James because we said we would look after Harry no matter what. If this means we have to tell him, to help him, to fulfil our promise to James. That is what we have to do.'

Bang! Both of the men looked up.

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><p>Remember to review :D<p>

Also if you have any spare time, would you read my blog?  
>magicstarsandkinderbars. wordpress. com thank you!<p> 


	5. What will happen?

What was that noise? 'Harry! HARRY! Where the hell are you?' Sirius was first on his feet and quickly running up the stairs 3 at a time.

Remus was slower, but instead of copying Sirius he took his own initiative and started to search all of the rooms downstairs. There was nothing, not a sign of him, apart from the hallway being slightly chillier than it should have been. 'Sirius, where are you?' He shouted as he also took the stairs 2 steps at a time. He could hear deep breathing. Where was it coming from? Only one door was open, Harry's room. He walked in expecting to see Harry curled up under the covers and Sirius on his knees begging for Harry to look at him. To listen. But the sight before him was considerably different to what had happened before, drawers were open, clothes chucked all over the floor, Sirius was the one on the bed. Sniffing the covers he had wrapped himself in.

Sirius couldn't believe it; his own godson had run away. He looked up as the door opened, his sight blurry because of the tears escaping. Remus looked at him, his eyes full of disgust. Why was his lover looking at him like that? He had done nothing wrong.

Remus couldnt believe it. Harry had run away and here Sirius was crying. 'Pull yourself together. He's in so much danger out there, you know how many people are out to get him.' He roughly grabbed Sirius' arm, dragging him along the floor a few steps before Sirius wiped his eyes and managed to pull himself up. Grabbing coats as they left the house, they ran out into the street looking every which way.

'At least he can't apparate yet.' Siruis tried to crack a joke but the grimace on Remus' face never broke. He couldn't believe it. 'I'll go this way and you go that', he barked the orders to Remus, and sprinted off in one direction, not turning his head to look back at his other half going in the other. They had to find him, they just had to. What would James think of him? Lily had never trusted him, always Remus more.

Several hours had passed, Harry wondered if anyone was looking for him yet. He hadn't run at all that far, he wasn't going to be able to survive. He wondered if he could sneak back to the house before they realised he was missing. Harry had done some thinking whilst sat in the cold cafe drinking his hot chocolate. It was better being in here than outside at least. He was sat in the blue plastic chairs, with the white grubby table right next to the window, away from the few regulars that were sat next to the counter. He wasn't sure how his guardians would be reacting, would they be pleased? He knew that no one would want him. He could see that every time Remus and Sirius were asked if they were together they would immediately deny it. They were close friends that was all.

Sirius trudged back to his house, disappointed in himself that he couldn't find harry. He had ran, and looked everywhere within a 3 mile radius, he knew Harry wouldn't have got further than that. Walking past the cafe Remus had decided they were going to meet outside he peered through the window and couldn't believe his luck. Harry was sat there. Not wanting him to run away again, Sirius decided on the best course of action. He was so excited he didn't know what to do, so walked in straight away.

The bell on the door tinkled, Harry looked up like he had been doing every other time. Only this time he wasn't to be disappointed. His godfather had looked for him. He had even found him. This was 5 hours after he had left, and had been the longest of his life so far.

Sirius walked over slowly, sitting on the seat next to Harry, trying to stop him leaving again. HE could see that the boy had been crying, but to his surprise Harry hugged him tightly. 'Oufff' He grunted, but leant into the hug slightly, even going to the point of wrapping his arms around Harry. Remus was quite far away at the moment, having managed to use his wolf senses to search further than Sirius himself had been able to. He wondered what was going to happen next, not sure how to start this conversation, but wanting to get it over with.

Thank you for reading it! I hope you enjoyed it, but sorry for the long wait. Theres only a few more chapters left unfortunately. Just to say, I dont mean to be rude about Gay people, its just where the story went. Anyway remember reviews mean cookies!


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